I believe


deus misses u


you dont know wht you're in for beau pollock

i really think anout him all the time 


its ok. if i knew what i was in for that would be boring


i want to kiss on him


he wants you to

hes in love with you


im in love with him


he looks at me funny now



shit up


like "why are we here?"

for reals




we walked by your car the other day and he got all excited


brogan woke up and we looked through the curtains and he woke up

and looked at us

brogan said he has sad eyes

but it was eyes of love

he was looking rt at me


he has sympathetic eyes


ive never experienced that with a dog


hes always trying to love

always trying to give


hes one of a kind

like his father




i dont like deals beau


what do you mean?


even if they are deals of the heart

"its always a gift but it always come with a price"


well then its probably worth the price


fuck that

i have to have more

then that


i want it all

i am willing to give it all


i dont know what i have left to give

i told my mom

that 10 years ago i would hv already been in vegas


im not expecting you to give me anything


what ever beau


i would marry you too

its not about that though

i want to share myself with you


if it was you would hv come 10 yrs ago

i share myself with alot of eople



you will see that you have only seen a small percentage of what i have to give

thats fine

you dont have to stop sharing your love with other people


thats not wht i ment


what do you mean?


i want it all

i just dont know if im capeable





dont what


dont go negative


its not negative its real


weve both tried things and been hurt

i know its real


i have been the biggest LOVER you would ever know


but do you remember that night when i said you were looking at me like every other man you had looked at?






well i am not. i am nothing like any man you have ever known

and you are nothing like any woman ive ever known

so now we get to decide


im not worried about who you are

i see it

i feel it


we get to truly decide this time


what does that mean


whether we are going to let the past dictate the future or whether we are going to create something new

we get a blank canvas jess


wtf are you talking about


this love


did you decide the 1st time


its not the past coming back to haunt us

this is the future


and the past makes us smarted

isnt that wht life is




knowledge is useless without imagination

art makes people smart

so we are blank canvas


this isnt knwledge or imagination

i hate that im like this


we have the knowledge of our past experiences

but we have imagination to create new ones

we are adding layers

you asked for me jess.

you asked for this


fuck layers.....im only about shedding


you said you didnt expect it so soon





but you still know its good

that day we went through the ringer




we started talking about you meeting susan


what ringer?


its a saying

like it was alot to deal with


not good at that


it was


all of the sudden it was happening

then all of the sudden i was going to meet your ex-husband


and you were there

doesnt mean its enough


theres so many things that couldve happened and changed those circumstances but our fate or destiny or whatever the fuck it is led us to that

i didnt expect this to happen so soon either

but that makes me want it more

not less

it makes me wonder at how amazing life is and lucky i am to be the man you are with

and how lucky i am to be a part of brogans life

and lucky i am to help be the bridge in your friendship with susan


es, you did that, and i will be 4ever thankful



i am not going to turn and run jess

theres nothing you could say

theres not even any point in talking about the possibilities

i bowed to you because i knew


im not saying that you should run

im just trying to be real

yeah and youve bowed to others too!!!!!



not like that

none gave me a sword


its always diff and the same


you are mine

im not letting go


how can i be yours if im not even my own????????


what are you talking about?


i lost myslef


you lost your old self

so did i




you cant go back jess

we can only go forward


im still looking

i see

but its still not totaly clear

i dont want to go back


its like that song says "if you want to keep on living you've got to love"


this is the firat time i hv been on my own


you think it will ever be totally clear?


and its the most amazing feeling ive ever felt

i never thought i could do it

but once i did it

i was afraid i would ever be able to go bacl

it will neer be totalu clear



so is there something you want to tell me?


i thought i was

im fuckin WEAK


what are you talking about?

you are not weak.


your right im not


are you saying that because you let me in that you are weak? that because you arent being completely alone and doing everything on your own makes you weak?

if so you are wrong

ive done the alone thing

it doesnt make you any stronger

it makes you colder

it makes you hard on the outside and soft inside


i was in love with love for 33 yrs

and NO

one could tell me diff

they looked up to me bc of

and now i feel wrecked

and i cant addmitt it


cant admit what?



i dont know if i blieve

i believe