I walk alone
i was so good to my girlfriends for so long and gave so much to so many that i just feel empty. i treated every girl i was with like a princess and when they were done with me they walked away just like the princess on the pedastal i had put them on. now i dont even associate with females much. i feel like they just steal my creativity and my energy whether through conversation or through sex. thats why i dont have sex because i only like to make love but when i meet females these days they all just want to play out some horrible fantasy thing they saw in a porn and im just not into that. id love to try things that are in the tantra but females here in LA have never even heard of it. they think sex should be two bodies slapping together to some loud shitty music. its disgusting and our culture in general disgusts me. thats why i talk about revoltution and class war because the reason our culture is the way it is is due to those people in power with money it is a culture that is ill. there you have the next dilemma. i hate money. everytime i had it i had the wrong people around me and they were all trying to puppetteer me into what they thought i should do. instead i should have grabbed my girl and eloped and we would have had happy ever after. (thats what her parents did and it worked)...but now im here and now i have no idea what to do. im fasting again to clear the body. that clears the soul which finally clears the mind but it still leaves me alone and hopeless without a partner. thats all i ever really wanted was somebody to promise they would never leave if times got tough. or somebody to cook half the time. thats all i ever wanted. everybody around me told me i was too young or she was too young and now all those people are married with children and now i have knowledge that when somebody tells you to do or not do something that is witchcraft. its black magic and thats why i suggest things but i say chose for yourself and never listen to anybody who tells you they think they know the future. if they do then they are evil. then there is the issue of pro-creation, its like you (the female) know all the secrets that i can never know. you have the deepest connection that i will never get because i am a man and i only get to watch. even then only if i can prove i am worthy by getting a house and a car and insurance and benefits and this and that and all these things that just seem more and more impossible every day. if i could meet a hippy chic that wanted to ive in a teepee up the coast somewhere and take it one step at a time and eventually work our way up to a real house and all the other things then i would be set but im too intimidated by these girls that just expect me to have and provide everything....its like expecting too much. way too much. so if you are a true hippy chic and willing to walk in the dirt and try life from day one and not expect anything from me other than what i can give id be willing to give you a chance but other than that, i walk alone.