i dont know what the fuck eles to do. i have had 3 shows in LA this year. ive conceptualized, produced, shot, edited and self-published two 40plus page books in 2 and a half years one of which has 100% of the proceeds going to susan g. komen for the cure (a non-profit breast cancer charity). ive been a gentleman and gracefully shot dozens of models and projects for free. ive networked and put flyers up and given my work away to anybody that truly showed interest or appreciation. ive starved instead of eating and dumped tens of thousands of dollars into equipment and supplies for shows and film and prints and frames and more film and im still starving and am thousands of dollars in debt. ive asked for work, ive prayed for work. ive begged for work. ive tried to launch projects that so many people could be a part of and benefit from that it took my hard earned savings 3 times into debt. ive done every fucking thing i can think of. can anybody tell me what i am doing wrong? can anybody tell me how i get to the next step? can anybody tell me how i sell my soul because thats always what they say you have to do or whatever and i just dont understand? am i not suffering and sacrificing enough? i didnt go snowboarding last year to spend my time and money on film and my book. i didnt visit home and my family and my nephew and my friends this entire year to spend my time and money on shooting and film. i didnt have a girlfriend or even date for the last 10 months to focus on shooting and finding some kind of next step. 10 fucking months! i drove to the gulf during the spill to show my love and patriotism and support for my brothers and sisters in new orleans after i knew how much they had suffered since katrina. i cant think of what else "god" or whoever or whatever the fuck is in charge wants me to do. i cant think of what ive done that hasnt been good enough to prove that i am not just trying to make a quick buck but am an honest artist trying to give my art to the world instead of just a few hundred people on facebook. i cant think of what else i can do...its starting to look like a bad joke.