i realized the difference between being in a relationship and being married or being a parent or not being a parent is being needed. if you are never committed to another being on that deeper level than your soul is never tied to the earth with such a longing and need to stay. atleast mine isnt. this is why im such a cowboy. i roam and roam until a woman is strong enough to get me to stay. even then i will roam unless she truly ropes me in. which none have done to this day. many have contemplated, few have talked about but none have had the resolution to marry me. the dilemma for me lies in the fact that was all that i wanted. all i ever wanted was reason to stay, not a reason to stray like most others. i dont fear making love with one person for the rest of my life.  i fear having to make love to more than one person for the rest of my life. i fear never knowing the closeness that a person feels with their child. looking into their eyes and seeing a piece of themselves. feeling and knowing your love gives that person true comfort and love with purely your existence. i see it everyday with jessica and brogan but like many things in this life i long for i am just an outsider looking in. even with the connection brogan and i have there is not the same fusion. there is actually the opposite. no matter how much he gets to know me nor how much fun we share and experience he always has a look in his eye like i am the man taking his mom farther away from him and his dad. the awful part of that thing called truth is that he's right. this life seems like something to adore and respect but i am a fighter so i will adore and respect the afterlife (if there is one). other than that i am here to fight. to fight for what i believe is right. to fight against what i believe is wrong and to fight to love and respect above all.